* S H A T T E R E D dreams ]

Thursday, December 28, 2006

hmn. it's been quite a wile since i last posted here. dami kasing nangyari these past few days eh. well. tapos na ang pasko. and i'd have to admit, spending christmas here in manila is fun. even though i'm not spending it with my cousins in romblon. sigh. i'm feeling homesick right now.

but i guess i'd have to get used to it. anyway, grabe. sooper boring dito sa bahay. wala akong matino na gawin. i mean. i start to do something tas mamaya, mabobored ako then i'll do something else, then get bored and it goes over and over again. just like a cycle. haii...

this december, andaming things na nngyari. daming unexpected things. pero yung pinaka masayang day this december is nung 20. sooper nag enjoy kasi ako with my new kada. Da Ring.

hind ko maexpect na magkakaroon kami ng bagong kada that day. we had so much fun. almost buong araw magkasama kaming lahat. although madyo bad yung start ng paglabas namin sa school coz may naiwan kaming dalawang tao sa csr. with out us noticing.. hahah..


grabe talaga yung mga expressions namin eh parang "ohmygod... oo nga pala! sila! san na nga ba?!" whahah! ansaya. tas pumunta kami sa bahay ni monica. which was really tiring. hindi naman pala masyadong malayo yung bahay nila... kung may transpo ka. whaha! gosh. first time kong maglakad ng gnun kalayo without any adults. heheh. tas ayun. when we went back to power, sumakay na lang kami ng jeep since pagod na pagod na kami. heheh.

then we got this weird idea. gusto namin bumili ng eyeliner. then umokay na lang sila. nung pagdating namin sa power, diretso kami sa beauty bar. whaha. i have no idea kung bakit beauty bar yung biglang pinuntahan namin. then nung tiningnan namin yung price ng eyeliner...


whaha! 350 pesos yung eyeliner. whaha. then again, yung expression namin parang "ay, sige, no thanks...hahah"

tas yung masayang part pa nung lakad namin, dami naming pictures sa power. parang first time kami nakapunta dun. whaha. we even got a picture sa may malaking christmas tree dun. haii... ang saya talaga namin nun. super bonded kami that day. sayang nga lang pagdating namin sa school, nagkahiwa- hiwalay na kami. then hindi na kami sama sama pagdating ng battle. tuloy, hindi ako masyadong nag enjoy coz hindi ko kayang magwala dun kung hindi ko sila kasama eh. heheh.

hmn. dami kong nakuen2 ngayun. kahit i know na medyo late ko na nakuen2 yung nangyari sa 2o. ngayun ko lang kasi narealize kung how much fun i had nung 2o eh.

thanks so much Da Ring! super pinasaya niyo ako sa day na yun! wee! luv yah guys so much.

Da Ring:










* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 10:50 AM

Thursday, December 14, 2006

EXAMS. one word that's been making me so jumpy these days. that's one of the reasons why i'm getting these weird feelings. okay, i'm so not ready for the exams.

it's like. na bitin ako sa quarter na toh.

but i don't say that they should make this quarter longer. i just mean that, TIME IS SO FAST. one minute we were practicing for our intrams, then the next minute, we're studying for our exams.


but n e ways, one good thing happened to me. not just GOOD... but GREAT... AWESOME!

i found my wallet. no one got it. but i found it already!

when i got home, i immediately looked for my wallet again. then when i looked in one corner of the room, i found it. it must have fallen while i was fixing my bag. i'm so happy!

grabe. buti na lang hindi nawala yung wallet ko. kasi yung wallet na yun, sobrang importante sa akin. andaming things na naka-ipit dun.

thank goodness.

well... this will be my last entry for this week. i've got to focus in my exams first. starting tomorrow.

and oh yeah, tibo pala ako during examinations. and yung meaning ko ng tibo for me is boy- hater and walang paki sa mga boys. ndi yung tibo na nagkakagusto sa girl or stuffs like that. hahah. so, tibo ako. kaya, ala muna akong gusto kay sam or kung kanino mang lalaki dyan. peio, right after the exams, well, gurly gurl na uli ako! yeah! whahah.

well, this ends my entry. sna maging maganda yung results ng exams ko.

see yah. :)

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 2:37 PM

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

masaya ako ngayon. ewan ko lang kung bakit. whahah.

but one thing's for sure...


and happier than ever.

cheerful na uli ako. i'm already smiling. and my smile's bigger than ever. i'm back! yeah, i know that i just said yesterday that i wanted the old mara back.

and here she is. i'm back. and i'm so happy about it. i had my early Christmas gift already. ang babaw ko noh?.

but at least... bumalik na ako. :)

ayun. nasa school ako ngayon. computer class. and bored na talaga ako. i have nothing to do. except this. hahah. so, there.

yeah! this post made sense! a first time in this month! i'm so glad. :)

i feel so good right now. and natutuwa talaga ako.

I'M BACK! :)

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 7:44 AM

Monday, December 11, 2006

i can't still seem to forget what happened last saturday. i can't get that thing out of my mind. i can still remember every single reply i got from that person. hmn.

WEiRD! hahah!

okay. ang weird. di pa rin ako makapaniwala sa sinabi sa akin ni limbeth earlier this day.


shocks. shoot. shootness. omigoodness. holy cheese.

okay, i've said at least all the shocked-word expressions that i know. but this discovery was purely shocking. REALY SHOCKING.

hindi ko ma-expect na ganun siya sa akin. i mean. woah lang talaga eh.

and again.

mara mendoza made this entry a nonsense entry once more, folks.

she's getting more insane each day, getting more confused in each freakin' hour and getting lots of nervous feelings more than a regular person has.

ang tagal pa kasi ng big day eh.

why can't it come more faster? wha- more faster? lemme rephrase that.


i'm too excited. i just have to chill and be patient for that day to come.

malapit na rin kasi dumating eh. if i want that day to come already, i should deal with a lot more sacrifices. exams na rin kasi next week. i have to focus on my studies first before anything else.

besides, studies pa rin top priority ko. yeah!

hmn. darn it. we have rehearsals omorrow in ccp. we're going to have our annual recital on the 16th. then, i'll be coming home tomorrow at around 8:30 and we have a LOOONG test in our science subject and math too. darn it! arrggh! i;m soo peroccupied this week.

plus, i still have to do our investigatory project. we're gonna make recycled paper. nice. i already have all the materials i need and i already know all the procedures. but the question is. will it work? will it be successful?

a lot of things have been bugging my mind lately. hmn. i have to get these things out of mind. clear my thoughts. exams are coming already and i'm still not ready. clear my thoughts. ho-hum. phew. think straight. forget all the problems you're having, mara. phew. i miss the old me. i miss the cheerful me. the one who always smiles despite all the problems i'm having.

pede nio ba akong tulungan? ibalik yung dating mara. gawin niyo akong cheerful uli at pala- smile. please? :) i would really love it if the old mara will be back.

hmn. i think that the best gift i would ask for Christmas is for the old mara to be back. coz pag nabalik yun, magiging sobrang saya ako. :)

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 6:21 PM

Saturday, December 09, 2006

hmn. i don't know what i should feel right now.

arrggh. after what happened kanina, i don't know what should i feel right now. i mean, woah. this is a first for me. to do that. and i don't think that i can do it. i mean. somehow, gusto ko. pero mostly, ayaw ko. naiilang talaga ako sa kanya right now. haii.

i know that all the things i'm saying makes no sense. but to those people na sinabihan ko ng what happened kanina, they'll get it for sure. diba, limbeth. ikaw lang naman yung pinagsabihan ko nito eh.

hmn. darn me. why do i have to bring up that topic while were talking? that topic started the whole 'omigoodness-what-am-i-gonna-do' feeling. papagbigyan ko kaya? i mean. it was our deal. and i think DEALS are somehow like PROMISES. if i don't do it, it's like breaking a real promise. and i think i'll end up making that person feel kind of bad.

well, should i do it or what? should i do it to make the person happy or should i not. but i guess i'll make the person feel bad. hmn. darn it. i'm so confused!

sabi ni limbeth, pagbigyan ko na daw.


should it DO it? or should i NOT?

mahn. this is so darn confusing.

basta. ang tanging wish ko na lng na sana that person will forget it. para hindi na yun mangyari. but a voice at the back of my mind says na. i should do it.

"para yung first ano mo. maganda. coz that person is your ano. your something."

hahah! nagets niyo ba yun? ako rin eh. i didn't seem to get it.

well. bahala na si SUPER INGGO kung anong mangyayari sa day na yun. i just hope when that day comes, it'll be the best day of my first year life.

for my close friends: i think you already have an idea kung ano yung day na yun, right?

so, anyways, i think this entry made no particular sense at all.


trivia: WEIRD. that's my favorite word. for the past few days, you'll always see the word weird on my mind. but i don't think that you can't see it, right.


what the heck am i saying?!

well. that's me.

i think that's all that i can say in today's entry. i know that it made no sense, so please, just bear with it, okay? don't worry. the next entries won't be the same as this...

i hope. :)

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 6:19 PM

Friday, December 08, 2006

this is the worst month ever. yeah, i know that Christmas is coming and i should be happy for that, which of course, i am. i'm happy coz it's Christmas and it'll be my first time to spend Christmas here in manila.

but it's not the reason why i wrote here in my blog.


this past few days, i've been experiencing a lot of hurt and strange feelings in me.

it's like i'm always feeling hurt for some reason. but the weird thing is, i don't know what that particular reason is.

there is goes again.

currently, my tummy does these little flips and my heart's like it should be falling down already- you know, the feeling that you have when you're riding in roller coasters and anchors away.

that's what i'm feeling right now.

and i have this one big... scratch that... i have two BIG problems right now.

FiRST. i'm afraid that i might hurt someone on one particular day. wen i tell that person that... THAT... the thing. the thing that's been bugging me since last week. i really need serious help on this topic coz i don't want to end up hurting that person.

SECOND. this is the worst news in my whole, entire life. worse than the bombing of The World Trade Center. worse than tsunami in indonesia (it happened there, right?). i don't know what to do. i don't know how to say it, but... i'm leaving. but i don't know if it's final already. i hope it isn't. i don't wanna leave this place. this is where i truly belong. not on some place where i've never been to. i don't wanna leave the people i love here. i've never even told that person what i feel.

BOTTOMLINE IS, I'm never, ever gonna leave this place. no matter how many problems i'm encountering here. I WON'T LEAVE. They can't force me to leave. Besides, I don't wanna stay on the new place if it means living with persons who I'm not related too.

It's just so weird. I don't wanna get this feeling. It has got to stop right now! It's really distracting me!

* my S H A T T E R E D dreams_ 3:45 PM